All Roads Lead to...Everett?

All roads lead to…Everett?

Yes! Everett! Would we call it anything at all if we could think of anything catchier than The Traffic Jam or The Messy Interstate Junction? So we settle with calling it by name and rest assured that the mystical quality of its name will instantly be met with a groan or a mental picture of a traffic jam. Have we ever been blessed with a lazier punch line? “Everett. Haha what a shit-hole!” But if, by some accident, you ever take a closer look and wander around a bit you’ll find it to simply be an overgrown Anacortes, with all that entails. Today I call for no disputation on the nature of Everett. I have no intention of giving the Everett Chamber of Commerce some unsolicited assistance. I offer only a few facts about our southerly neighbor:

- Everett is a proper transportation hub. Trains and inter-city buses leave in three directions from Everett. This may seem unimpressive, but in the Northwest a train station typically only offers two directions of travel. At Everett Station travellers quietly and disinterestedly mingle before setting off on trains bound for Vancouver, Portland, Spokane or distant points beyond.

- Everett is the closest place to get that big-city feel. While the skyline is undeniably lackluster, you can stand almost anywhere downtown and see a tall building with several behind it, giving the whole view a layering to it that small towns everywhere lack. If this sounds like a stretch for a reason to say anything good about Everett I sugges that next time you’re walking down Commercial you look skyward and try your damndest not to feel oppressed by so much sky in a downtown. If the wide main street and low buildings of our fine Anacortes send you scurrying under the eaves of the nearest building as if caught in a downpour, a jaunt to Everett is your closest fix for something taller than three stories to cloud your view.

- If you ever get familiar with Everett and find a few picturesque moments you’ll be blessed with the wonderful smug sense of superiority that, let’s face it, we all love. Your friends will go on and on with their uninspired critiques of traffic flow and strip malls and you have the pleasure of knowing that of all these amateur city planners you alone have actually ever set foot anywhere in Everett outside the jurisdiction of a McDonald’s and its parking lot.

So now that you’re all planning a trip to the amateur metropolis of Everett, consider taking public transit. There are three options, which are here outlined if you can stand another list:

1. The Practical- This choice is the fastest and most efficient. Board the 410 at 10th and Q which drops you off at the March’s Point Park and Ride. There the 411 is waiting to whisk you to Mt. Vernon, where the 90X commuter bus leaves for Everett just as you pull in. Mention to the driver of the 411 that you need this connection and if they’re in a good mood they’ll radio ahead and the 90X will wait. Just be sure you step on the 411 headed for Mount Vernon, not Oak Harbor. The catch with this route is that the last 90X leaves at 7:30am and doesn’t run again until the afternoon, thus you have to catch the first 410 at 6:55 in the morning. There is some poetic value, though, in catching the last bus south. Cost: $3.

2. The “This’ll Do”- This route is only advisable if you miss the 90X or just really want to avoid the Interstate. It can also accommodate an unlikely desire to take a break midway through and explore Marysville. In the broad outline; from Mount Vernon take the 411C to Stanwood, the 240 to Smokey Point and run across the street to catch the 200 (or 201/202, it’s all the same) into Everett. This route has a bit of charm in the little-traveled roads it takes in the first half, but I hesitate to endorse it due to its multitude of headaches. For one thing, the 240 is the most convoluted bus route I have ever seen. When you arrive in Stanwood, the first bus labeled 240 that comes to the stop is by some mystery the wrong 240. The real one arrives 15 or so minutes later and immediately makes you think you’ve taken the wrong bus. It drives around Stanwood for 10 minutes before it finally heads south. Midway through its run it pulls into the parking lot of a retirement home which has some jackass’ car blocking the exit half the time. The 240 then gets back on the road and picks up steam just in time to hit the huge mess of poorly designed intersections that is Smokey Point. Keep in mind that the 240 is a route almost specifically designed to be late. So in the best case scenario you’ll get off just after the turn onto Smokey Point Blvd and sprint across the street to catch 200, which may or may not wait. Normally, you’ll be two jammed intersections away from your transfer stop when you see the 200 just leave, giving you 20 minutes to wait for the next one. That part isn’t so bad, because the best place to spend 20 minutes thinking about how your life has turned out is a bus stop next to a boarded up restaurant in Smokey Point. But from there the 200 will get to Everett easily enough; but it’s a major local route, so be prepared to deal with the Bus People of north Snohomish County. You’ll know what I mean once you overhear your slack-jawed neighbor’s “huh”-laden phone conversation in which the phrase “You can’t let CPS take that kid” is repeated several times. Anyway- Cost: $2.50 and a bit of your sanity.

3. The Scenic Route- This is the cheapest, most hassle-free and my personal favorite, despite it being the longest. From March’s Point take the 411, to Oak Harbor this time. From there the 1 leisurely drives down the island, passing through Coupeville and Freeland before dropping you at the Clinton Ferry terminal. You’ll get off the bus just as the ferry is boarding, which is free for pedestrians in this direction. The short ferry ride is as pleasant as any in Puget Sound, with just enough breeze on the front deck to make you feel adventurous. And on a clear day you’ll be shocked to realize that the pleasant-looking city in the distance with beautiful mountains as a backdrop is…wait for it…Everett! Just a few more steps off the ferry is the bus stop to catch the 18 into downtown Everett. Of course, by the time you reach Mukilteo, you’ll be a bit thirsty. Fortunately the universe has been kind enough to place the Diamond Knot Brewery next to the bus stop. Cost: $1.75 plus the inevitable beer.